Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Not Well Done

I stopped at a chain upscale burger place, Five Guys, for lunch today. It reminded me of why I don't go to these places.

"Hey guy, welcome to Five Guys, how you doing?"

"Good, thanks."

"Ah, that's a beautiful thing."

I heard that constantly for the next twenty minutes.

"All of our food is cooked well done" read the signs plastered everywhere.

That, I found out, included the french fries and the hot dog, which they had split in half (sacrilege) and grilled way too long.

I first ran into this well done obsession ten or so years ago on a trip to South Carolina. I'd checked into the hotel late and the only thing open to get something to eat was the bar. I ordered a burger, medium, and was told that South Carolina had passed a law that required restaurants took cook hamburger at least medium well. The Five Guys, Fatburgers, In-N-Out Burgers of the world now protect themselves from liability (damn lawyers) by serving hockey pucks.

I can get a well done Wendy's burger for a buck and make it edible by slathering on mayo, mustard and ketchup. Why pay Five Guys four bucks for the same thing (not considering size difference)? And be annoyed by the constant patter while I'm eating.

13 comments:

The Curmudgeon said...

This is a new one on me... I never heard that we lawyers were responsible for overcooked meat.

I have heard that we are all bound for a place where our own meat will be overcooked... but that's a different story.

Anonymous said...

...was told that South Carolina had passed a law that required restaurants took cook hamburger at least medium well.

On my one and only trip to North Carolina, the Frogette and I stopped for breakfast at some chain...Waffle House maybe. I asked the waitress for my eggs sunny-side up. To which she responded simply, "No." Took me a few seconds to process the info and ask her what she meant, and she replied, "That's against the law. You'll have to order them another way."

No further explanation. Nothing about health codes. Just the simple fact: You can't have it your way.

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

Any place that greets me with "Hey guy" wouldn't last long on my list of places to go.

SonjaB said...

Sacrilege...5 Guys is the best. Husband and I are addicted to 5 Guys.

Dave said...

Curmudgeon, we lawyers are always responsible.

Kvatch, I was somewhere that wouldn't let me order an over easy egg. Salmonnella?

Pos, Big Rick knew a guy for years, kind of, and always greeted him "hey guy." He learned that the guy's name was Guy. Sometimes it works out.

Sonja, you have other qualities.

Anonymous said...

Debo Blue<----laughing at Curmudgeon.

Sonja's Mom said...

5 Guys just opened here. Sonja thinks its great but I don't. I don't think it's the meat but I really don't know as I can't taste it - its the bun. They are to dense and doughy. All I taste is bun. Their French Fries are really good but I won't go there just for fries.

Jeni said...

Don't think I have to worry about this issue as I've never seen a "Five Guys" place anywhere around here. But the meat-cooking deal, yeah, at the Truckstop where I worked as Asst. Mgr, when the govt. came out with that edict about all things have to be cooked to a certain degree of doneness, they had a disclaimer on the menu that they could cook things med-rare but only as long as the customer was willing to accept the responsibility, etc., or something to that effect.

Anonymous said...

I'd recommend that you stop eating meat. As bad as this experience was for you, it was even worse for the cow. ;o)

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

It happens that there is a Five Guys within a few miles of work / home. I may have to try and see for myself. But if they greet me with "Hey Guy!" as you describe, I'm agonna haftsa tell em to cut 'er out.

Moe Wanchuk said...

uh-oh....my buddy is supposed to open 5 Five Guys in the Mpls area soon.......Bee-boop!

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

UPDATE - a co-worker went to the local Five Guys today. His report was that the burger was expensive and greasy. That he would prefer a "bar grub" burger.

Anonymous said...

Salmonnella?

I suspect so, but the waitress wouldn't say.