Monday, January 05, 2009

Alternate Titles

The nicest one is The New York Story. The worst is God Sucks.

I’m going to start with the second.

I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m not saying I want a lot of friends, I’m picky. But when I pick…. God decided last night that I don’t need one of my friends. Who is He or She to take him at 47?

He tolerated my early inability to play golf. He never laughed. That’s not totally true, he smiled with an evil look when I screwed up; but, he kept playing with me until I got to the point that I wasn’t terrible. Then he’d give me hell if I screwed up.

On the subject of golf, we were playing a few years ago with some heavy dew on the ground, he was driving, down hill, and slid. The slide sent me about ten feet in the air. Once he and our friends found out I wasn’t dead, they laughed at me. Our friends on that day were Big Rick and a guy you’ve not heard of here, other than tangentially – Dennis. My gone friend is Big Tony.

There's lots more, and I may write about it. Right now I'm crushed.

We, absent him, met for a bit at the neighborhood bar tonight, a mini-wake. I’m not sure what, and when, is going to happen. I’ve spent the day doing. Doing has allowed me not to think too much. Now I’m thinking.

I’m thinking that if there’s a Heaven where we know each other, when I get there, he’ll yell “articulate” or “yeah” (among several ways he answers his phone – until I want to - I’m not using past tense) and show me to a really nice course.

I’m not going to do the New York Story now. I’ll save it for later. I know we all die; but, why? Really, why?

I’m not at all happy, I know, this stuff happens. Damn it, why?


Posolxstvo the First said...

My condolences on your loss.

Doing is good, thinking is important too. Wish I had answers to give you. If you figure anything out, please share it, as I am sure we could all benefit.

Dave said...

Thanks Pos, I'm in an angry phase as you can tell by the post. I'm alive, unhappy and eating a ham sandwich. Is that one or two out of three?

Keith said...

Hey Dave,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I've been very pissed at God before myself.

I don't have the answers either as to why folks leave us too early in life.

Lean on the good times that you had with your friend and cherish those memories.

I don't know what else to say.

Be well.


Dave said...

Thanks Keith. You are right; but, I'd like to have a conversation with God to hear what he has to say about this.

dr sardonicus said...

Dave, sorry to hear of the passing of your friend.

Maybe if anybody had a reason to have been angry with God, it could have been me. Peggy was the love of my life, and sometimes it still doesn't seem right that she was taken from me after 22 years together. But I'm not angry. It may seem trite, but I know in my heart that she's in a better place now. She struggled so much with her health problems for so many years, but in her final moments she had a look that assured me that she was finally at peace. Big Tony knows that peace now as well.

Hope that helps. Send me an e-mail if you wish, my friend.

Jeni said...

My condolences in your loss, Dave. That and to tell you I definitely do know the feelings you expressed here over the loss of a great friend. Been there, did that on several occasions now but one loss, in September of 1988, really shook me to the core then and still does. There are some losses that yes, you do pick up and go on after but which also stay with you for many years after too.

Cynthia said...

I am so sorry. 47 is far too young.

fermicat said...

I don't know what to say except that sometimes there is no "why". Just loss and grief where there used to be a person in our lives. I'm sorry to hear about Big Tony.

DaleC said...

Big Tony sounds like a good friend. I am facing the imminent loss of a dear friend who sounds a lot like Big Tony.

People like that are rare.

I don't know what to say other than I am sorry for you and all of his friends.

ThomasLB said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't know what else to say.

I hope you find some answers that bring you peace.

Dave said...

Pos sent me an Email in addition to his comment above. He gave me permission to put it on the blog. I kind of like the leaving rather than being taken part:

"After thinking about it, the best I can come up with is this...

I don't know if there is a god or not. I really don't.

But if there is, I don't think he/she/it is taking people from us, as much as it's just that we all leave – as part of the whole natural order of things. And when we do, we all leave things and people behind that we wish we could hold onto and who wish they could hold onto us. But I don’t think that if there is a god, god wishes to TAKE.

I don't know if that makes it better or worse - that it might just be something that happens rather than a planned or devised conspiracy - but it helps me in times like this. Makes god, whatever/whoever god is, less adversarial.

Thing is, I can't really influence your relationship with god, no matter what my relationship is or is not. So, if it doesn't help at all, I understand. I just hope it doesn’t make it worse.

And if it does make it worse, I suggest you violently delete my message. I am actually a pretty good punching bag. Just ask Mrs. P/MollyGras.

Dave said...

Doc, Jeni, Cynthia, Fermi, Dale, Thomas, and others who've sent Emails and called, thanks. I'm over the anger thing for now, your kind words being a big help. Were Tony around I'm sure he'd give me a look and say "get over it!" I'm working at it.

DaleC said...

I like Pos' approach, they leave rather than being taken. So maybe they get promoted instead of fired :-)

I have a favorite song which tells us that we owe it to our friends to take the very best parts of them, roll them into our own selves and go on as a better person because of it. Our loved ones live on through us. I like that idea.

Dr Sardonicus - I like your avatar, so I am stealing it :-)

Lifehiker said...

Dave, I'm sorry about Big Tony, too. As you would expect, I've been there when quite few people, including some young ones, made their exit. Seems to me it may be harder on those left behind.

Big Bird was very sad when Mr. Hooper died. Seeking an explanation amid his grief, the only answer was "because". Life is precarious for us all, although we dread to consider the fact.

Maybe Tony will have found some new courses to show you when you meet again! That's my hope.

molly gras said...

I'm so very sad for you ... my heart is with you right now.

Peace my friend.

Hedy said...

I'm so sorry, Dave. I read your posts on the train home tonight. It's just devastating. I'm sending warm thoughts to you and your friends for help through the difficult days ahead. Peace.

Sonja's Mom said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Really good friends are hard to come by so it is especially hard to lose one. Hold the good memories in your heart and a piece of him will be with you always.