You probably don't recognize me; but, Dave's a friend of mine. He'd probably say I'm his property. I asked him to take a picture of me, he did, which is good because I don't have any hands or fingers.
I"m writing to you in desperate need. You see, day before yesterday, I was hanging out on the counter in Dave's kitchen with my little brother. The usual was happening, the sun was rising and we heard Dave getting up. He came into the kitchen and made some coffee. Time passed, we heard a knock at the door and then this female voice. Dave left and the girl stayed. She was banging and wiping and throwing things away. Little Bro' was a little scared - I told him not to worry, I'd handle any problems. After a while, she came over to where we were on the counter. I've got to admit, she's a looker. She picked both of us up and started rubbing on us. Wow. I've never felt that good. Little Bro', he was moaning.
I've got to confess, I passed out. When I woke up, everything was quiet. I yelled, "Bro, what's up? You OK?" No answer. It was dark. A while later Dave came home, I heard him banging around, the TV came on. Time passed and he came into the kitchen. The frig opened. More banging around, drawers opening and closing. "Ah, where'd she put them?" Suddenly there was light and Dave picked me up. It was dark because I was in a drawer, Dave never puts me in a drawer, then too, he seldom rubs me, and never like she did. As always, I was there to help him cut up some food, last night some nice roast pork. He banged some more. He doesn't call Little Bro', Little Bro', hell he doesn't know my name. "Where the hell is the paring knife?" More opening and closing drawers. No results.
Over the rest of the night, I yelled a few times myself. Nothing. I'm thinking Little Bro', not as experienced as I am in the ways of the world, and having been handled as I was (I'm almost moaning myself thinking of it), he might just have hopped to somewhere around here and he"s afraid to come out. Dave looked in all the drawers and couldn't find him.
You probably can't tell from the picture; but, the business end of me is about 8" long. Little Bro', his shiny stuff is about half of mine. If any of you see that pretty girl, tell her I miss the kid. He might just come out of hiding if he thought he had a shot at another go-around. Oh, and if she's of a mind to rub some steel, I'm here, ready and waiting.
(Little Brother was found in a corner of the dishwasher, no worse for his experience, as far as I could tell. He's back with his larger kin, both sitting on the counter, next to the cutting board where they've always resided. If I hear any reports as to negative effects from their experience, I'll let you know. Dave.)