Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I’ve never had a big circle of friends. Regular readers will recall my references to Big Rick, Big Tony, my policeman buddy, friends that called me when I was stranded in New Jersey after September 11.

I don’t change out friends very often. Over my lifetime, friends fall by the wayside really only due to distance, I really don’t think absence makes the heart grow fonder, other than that cute girl in high school that moves away, and then only for a few months.

I’ve been in a “break up” with a friend, of more than a decade, for the past year or so. The only things that have kept it from a clean break are mutual friends and business.

I don’t know if I’ve said it in a past post, but friends have two qualities. Don’t argue with me here, I know there are more qualities. But these are important.

One, if I found myself in Seattle (pick your own place, I just wanted one that was far away) with no money to my name, thrown out of the hotel and they wouldn’t give me my shirt, my friends, if they could, would wire money and send me a shirt by FedEx, 8:30 a.m. delivery. They wouldn’t worry about being paid back. They would know they’d be paid back. The same thing works the opposite way and they know it. Luckily, we’ve had less extreme examples of the bond. The word for this is, I’m not sure what the word is. Trust? Loyalty?

The other quality of a friend is tolerance. I’ve jokingly told people that I can’t afford to lose a friend because I’ve only got a few, no one else will have me. My friends are tolerant of me and my quirks. I return the tolerance.

Those qualities didn’t stand up to the problems, which maybe means that I need to expand the list of qualities.

My friend and I have mutual friends who are pained by the split. I’m sad because the hold over business is about to end; and, that will leave only the mutual friends who will be, and to a great extent already are, in the position of being friends of a divorcing couple. They don’t want to choose, but in practicality, they probably will.

Life would be a whole lot easier without relationships. Less rich, yes. But, easier.