Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What Was Wrong With Spaghetti, Noodles and Macaroni?

I’m not a food Neanderthal; but, I don’t know what a good proportion of the foods mentioned in a restaurant review are.

Take pasta. As inferable from the title, it came in three kinds when I was a kid; and only one was “Italian.” Noodles came with tuna fish (not tuna) and macaroni came with Kraft cheese. The Italian one was served with ground hamburger, an occasional mushroom (pieces, not button), Lawry's spaghetti sauce mix and tomato sauce all simmered for awhile. Now we have "pasta with..." on the menu, or a bewildering array of "pasta subtype with...." I’ve learned about linguini, fettuccini, rigatoni and all of their siblings; but, I wouldn’t want to bet any money that I can tell one thin one or fat one or flat one or hollow one from another.

I know, I know, different shapes work best with different sauces; but, how many damn sauces are there?

Salads. What’s a ramp? I have a suspicion that it tastes like arugula (or is it radicchio?), which tastes bitter to me. I still feel cheated (and internally embarrassed about it) if there’s too much dark reddish and dark greenish “lettuce” in a salad. I’ve gotten over the same feelings about carrot slivers.

So you don’t think I’m totally without sophistication, I use kosher salt, I have a pepper mill and a bunch of herbs and spices in the cupboard. No fresh though, they go to waste. But fleur de sel? It’s gray!

Then there are restaurants and their ever escalating need to be trendy, and make more money. Amuse bouche translates as “mouth pleaser” and one is served before the appetizer, which is served after the hors d’oeurves during the cocktail hour, if there is one. None of which should be confused with canapés or crudités, or maybe they should. An appetizer is served to stimulate your appetite and thus has the same purpose as the amuse bouche, hors d’oeurves, canapés and crudités, though it is bigger. But, an appetizer usually isn’t as big as “small plates” which are tapas that aren’t Spanish and are really skimpy entrée’s that make you spend more money than you would if they weren’t on the menu. Between the invention of the hors d’oerve and amuse bouche, we learned of “sides” and “accompaniments” which divorced the vegetable from the main course and resulted in the entrée.

Don’t get me started on parsley.

5 comments:

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

Re: Pasta... There was a restaurant I used to frequent that had a sort of a pasta bar. There were chefs who would saute together your chosen pasta type, your chosen sauce and all the other stuff (peppers, ham, sausage, clams, what have you) you wanted.

I became quite well versed in the differences between pastas. And gained a few pounds too.

But I never had any parsley.

SonjaB said...

We usually buy just thin spaghetti, no matter what the recipe says.

I was right with you until the last paragraph, that made my head hurt.

Dave said...

Shorter sentences are in order Sonja. Sorry.

Jeni said...

I buy different types of pasta - bowties (farfalle), angel hair, extra-thin spaghetti, noodles of the medium and also wide variety, plus kluski noodles and don't forget macaroni, rotini, shells, penne and I think I may have two other varieties in the cupboard right now (besides lasagne and manicotti shells) but I can't think of what their names are! However, I usually just use my own meat and tomato sauce for most of these - just change the type of pasta daily or every other day because Miss Maya, the finicky four-year-old here, usually will only eat some type of pasta and it's about the only way I can cook without having to fix two separate meals! (Which, being generally lazy you see, I try to avoid that aspect at all costs.)
But hors d'oerves, canapes, and the like? Never in my house or on my table unless someone else with a lot more time, energy, etc., has brought them here. Anything with an alfredo sauce here you can bet it came out of a box or a jar too.

molly gras said...

amuse bouche … “mouth pleaser” … during the cocktail hour …
served to stimulate your appetite … though it is bigger


I’m practically blushing over the thoughts running through my head.

practically …

:)